“Where to from here” Chapter 11 part 3

So let me get closer to home, my father’s duplicity. I adored my father, and was completely caught by surprise, and thus overwhelmed when simply one Friday evening, as he told us to get cigarettes and some ice cream, he never returned. My mother and I would learn quickly that he had emptied the banks accounts, leaving mother with only the rental house next-door as income, and that with a mortgage. And he was now living with some woman that we knew nothing about.
This was a crushing blow to me, and devastated my mother, who went into deep depression, and denial for many months. Leaving me at eighteen to somehow hold things together. These actions of his would forever cloud my faith in men, and wounded my soul, which was very slow to heal. As result I hold a special disdain toward adultery, and the harmful, and destructive lies that must be cultivated to maintain such betrayal. This would for me mean that any man that would ask me out, if I found out that he was in fact married, became persona non grata, French for complete unacceptable.
These kinds of lies are especially damaging, but such duplicity is found in all of our human relationships. But, it goes without saying that the dastardly deceit required to commit infidelity is uniquely harmful. If something as precious as the vows of marriage are breeched and should the guilty culprit desires to recommit to somehow heal the marriage, it is going to take a lot of hard work to mend the deep scars, not to mention the years of rebuilding required to create even a semblance of trust. It is not impossible for it has been done. But requires both parties to really make a supreme effort to see the marriage survive. We saw it done with a minister who was at one time a friend of ours, whose infidelity not only nearly destroyed his marriage, but did dismember his once flourishing church. He would die, struggling to continue his once very effective ministry, and dominated now by his wife who had become quite manipulative. This was the unhealthy compromise made to keep the marriage together and trying to rebuild that trust.
Deciding to lie about something is not anything one should recommend as good sound advice. Telling the truth is the finer part of valor and the outcome is far better in the long run. Getting engrossed in the web that is woven when a falsehood has begun, ninety-nine percent of the time ends up a total fiasco. You will lose credibility and bring shame upon yourself, for it will be found out. Being branded a liar is internationally regarded as dishonorable. Once you have this renown, do not be surprised to hear yourself spoken of as disreputable, contemptible, untrustworthy, and the descriptive list can go on and on.
You will not have the respect from others that you would desire in your life. If all of this began with a lie, are you now going to confess it and tell the truth? This is another decision to make, an important one. Just which humiliation do you wish to live with, to confide with those you lied to and divulge the real truth, or to wear the badge of a deceiver?
As inglorious as it may seem to have to bare your soul and admit to fabricating lies, you will more than likely be admired and very possibly forgiven for your deception. The forgiving now is the responsibility of the one(s) who were on the receiving end of your tall story. How others were affected by the litany of lies weighs heavily upon the extent of the leniency. If you are exonerated to a point of complete forgiveness consider yourself among the fortunate, for usually there comes a set of serious conditions with any reconsideration.
We are blessed with a Heavenly Father who forgives us and forgets, but the human condition is not quite so benevolent and has a tendency to remind us again and again of our past indiscriminant behaviors. Confession is good for the soul, and the beauty of it is that most people are willing to forgive when asked. But there is the burden to tell the whole truth and having to admit to being a perjurer. Not everyone experiences an immediate fawning from those who have had full disclosure told to them, but the mere act of release from this bondage is liberating and one will experience a sense of a new beginning.
Falling into the human faux pas of a simple lie, or blundering into a world of serial lying all require effort, some times great effort to rectify. Yes, some lies fall into the category of just little white lies, and others teeter on the edge of a hellish pit of untruth, but as we have seen……

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